PART I: What Do You Expect?

 

 

 

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Luke 6:31

What do you expect? Expectations. We all have them— actually, lots of them. Some are realistic, and some are not causing a sort of disconnect. There are 3 types of expectations:

• Expectations we have for ourselves
• Expectations of others and the ones they have of us, and most importantly,
• Expectations that we have of God, and *those He has for us.

Expectations of Ourselves & Others

Too often, people become disappointed in themselves or estranged from others, or worse yet, God, over unmet expectations. Sometimes we have reasonable expectations, other times not so much. Look at your own life. Think about the times when others have let you down and anger and disappointment has rolled in, leaving your relationships in the balance. Perhaps you have experienced what I call ‘church hurt,’ which caused you to leave the church you were attending, because of something someone did, said, or did not do. Have you ever severed ties with another person, or even with God, when your expectations were not met? Sometimes our spouse lets us down due to their falling short of your expectations for that relationship. Perhaps you weren’t invited to spend the holidays with your friends or family. What about when you were hurting, grieving, sick, or living with an illness or disability, and the people you are closest to seemed oblivious to your pain? Surely all these things can challenge or derail our relationships, as feelings of being offended, angry, or disappointed roll in. But it doesn’t need to be that way…

Then there are our expectations we have of God, and those He has of us. Have you ever prayed for healing, and felt that God turned a deaf ear to your prayers? He said “No” “maybe,” or “Not yet” to your heartfelt pleas? Maybe you not receive that miracle you had hoped and prayed for, leading you to turn away from God, The Great Healer? Could it be that it was all due to unrealistic expectations—or God’s perfect timing for you?

Each of these scenarios may lead us to continue to be chronically discontent, and disappointed –and possibly bitter and angry–from our unrealistic expectations not being met. But we can always adjust our expectations to be more realistic in any circumstance, with any one.

The spoken and unspoken expectations we closely hold have everything to do with our relationships with ourselves, God, and others. When we manage our expectations well, we can live in harmony with ourselves and others, and grow in our relationship with God. In essence, managing our expectations is key to happiness. It is just that important.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

Realistic expectations have everything to do with living a content, low-stress life. Expectations often steer our daily life and relationships, and determine, and how we process and engage in the world we live in. When our expectations of ourselves are too low, we are prone to underestimate our strengths, thereby not living up to our potential. When our expectations of ourselves are too high, impossible to attain, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment, discouragement or sadly, even various levels of failure. Instead, healthy, realistic expectations enable us to be the best we can be, to accept our weaknesses and those of others, and build on our strengths to live in harmony with ourselves and others.

“May He [God] give you the desire of your heart, and make all your plans succeed.”

Psalm 20:4

You may have unrealistic expectations, but you can change that in an instant. It’s all up to you. Monitoring, recognizing, and altering unrealistic expectations is necessary, and can be very healing and life-changing. Unrealistic expectations may negatively affect your spiritual, physical and mental health and well-being. If you find that you are often chronically disappointed, even angry with God or others, perhaps you need to adjust your expectations to be more realistic rather than cutting others (or God) out of our lives.

So what do you expect? We can’t change other people, just ourselves. By lowering our expectations, it may save us from unnecessary discord, disappointment and anger, and provide for greater inner peace, thereby promoting, preserving and strengthening healthy relationships. Who knows–you may even be able to give others a pass!

 

Next time, in ‘Part II: What Do You Expect?’ we will take a closer look at God’s expectations of us, and ours of Him.

Copyright 2022   |   Adele M. Gill

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